Resistant to Give Love


I am resistant to give love to my mother. I know she craves it and wants hugs. She sometimes asks to hug me, but I hate it. I feel angry when she does. I allow her to hug me, but I never hug her. It’s not pleasant for me. I am not sure if it is because I have resentment towards her for how she treated me in childhood or if it is because I often hate myself for not following through, not having a good relationship with myself, and buffering by overeating. When I hate myself, I hate her, too. I live with her and want to have a loving relationship with her, but not even sure if I genuinely want it or because I feel even worse about myself when I withhold my love from her. On the other hand, I am not even sure if I have that love towards her…

Please help me find out what is happening in my brain.