Resisting my Daily Plan for April

I’ve been in SCS since Feb 1. I’m struggling with the first few days of April’s Time Management so am seeking help ASAP. I’ve been very diligent about reading/watching all of April’s materials, filling out all the workbook questions and writing my daily TDs, Models and Plans. And I’ve set a month-end Goal. However, my issue is I haven’t been following my Daily Plans. This also means I’m not doing my Goal within my Daily Plans which I’m especially concerned about. At the end of each day, I stare at my Plan and my Accomplishments and they’re totally different… but I don’t need to look at them because I know this is happening as I go through each day. I feel myself RESIST my plan throughout the day. I know you want us to learn from the difference between our Plan and Accomplishments so we can make changes/adjustments for the following day and ultimately learn how to manage our time. But I’m finding this intense resistance (which I’ve had for a very long time… years) is so fierce it almost feels like it takes over me (I know Brooke doesn’t talk about things happening “to” us… but this is the only way I can describe this feeling). And I really, really want to learn Time Management and accomplish my Goal at the end of this month. So this is especially frustrating. It’s like an inner push and pull.

The only time I abide commitments in my Plan is when I have a meeting or appointment with someone else or for work, meaning it takes an outside “force” for me to commit… which I take to mean I place commitments to others above commitments to myself. I actually already knew this before doing this work. However, I’m perplexed at how to change this or my otherwise intense resistance to my plan.

I’ve been listening to Brooke for a year and know about changing our Thoughts. So I’m going to guess you’re going to suggest I change my Thoughts about how I commit to myself? However I’m finding this very challenging, especially in the moments as I’m going through my day. I’ve done several Models on this yet still seem unable to meet my Plan. Do you have any advice as to how to break down this intense resistance and how to respect the commitments I make to myself in my Plan? Thank you in advance.