Resisting urges within

Not sure if I’ve submitted these questions before, but here goes again. How do I control my brain to not have urges to react by yelling, crying or responding unkindly to my husband when he triggers something inside me by what he says or does that makes me feel “not good enough as a wife and mother”? I know I need to stay and feel the emotion/urge within my body all the way through at least 100 times in order to NO longer have the desire to react negatively. I no longer wish to resist or buffer my negative emotions anymore. What strategies and thoughts should I be doing or thinking during really tense moments and arguments with my husband? Many of these disagreements are occuring in front of our impressionable daughters. It’s affecting our family life and marriage tremendously. This is not the kind of role model I want to be for my daughters. I always feel ashamed and disappointed afterwards. I’ve done models, SCS HW assignments, listened to the 200+ podcast episodes and coaching calls, as well applied tools you’ve taught since starting my SCS membership in November. However, I am not noticing any major improvements in myself in this one area that I need the most help on. Please advise. I am not sure if the SCS program is the right fit for me. I am feeling discouraged.