Responsible for other people’s feelings

I know intellectually that we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings – their feelings come from their thoughts about circumstances. But for people who don’t do this work and don’t use their prefrontal cortex to decide what they are going to believe on purpose, they react to all of the circumstances I create / that are around them. It makes me feel like I DO have influence on their feelings, because most of the world is just taking the world as they see it, not thinking about their thinking. So if that’s the case, I need to do and say certain things that will (or could) trigger certain thoughts for them, and stay away from doing and saying other things that will or could trigger negative thoughts for them.

Example: If I offer a comment or critique about a friend, she will likely take it negatively. She doesn’t know to decide on purpose what she wants to think about my words. So I need to never say comments to her because the result will not be good.

I get this on an intellectual level, but in our world, I’m having so much trouble putting it up against reality.