Restricting + free time


I’m continuing to develop my awareness around productivity and time. Today I noticed this model.

C: It’s Thursday afternoon, I looked at my calendar for the rest of the day and then the rest of the weekend, Sundays are normally my days to rest/have “off”, I notice my desire to sit on the couch and either organize my google photos (a fun hobby), or watch Netflix (or both at the same time), instead of working on my current tasks, my calendar says camping prep on Sunday (instead of my normal rest)

T: I want some free time but I can’t have any.
F: Restricted

A: Dream/think about resting and relaxing while working
A: Hurry through working to try to get my work done faster
A: Don’t focus while working
A: Overthink my tasks for the day and for the rest of the week
A: Worry about my level of productivity throughout the day/in the middle of tasks
A: Try to cut tasks out of my calendar so that I can fit in some free time
A: I constantly think about what I would rather be doing instead of working right now
A: Negotiate with myself on whether I should neglect my plans I made in MHO and go have free time
A: Look for excuses to go do free time (I didn’t get as much sleep as usual this week so I need to go rest, I need to rest up before a busy week of camping next week, etc)
A: Whine to my boyfriend about how much work we have to do this weekend to get ready for camping and how I’m not getting my normal free time
A: Catastrophize about next week and the effect of not getting free time will have on it (I’ll be so worn out, I’ll be so tired, I’ll be cranky all week, etc)

R: I don’t have free time. (Because my actions show I don’t work efficiently.)

I have lost a lot of weight and done a lot of weight loss work. This sounds like when I used to say to myself “I can’t have brownies, I’m not allowed to have brownies, don’t think about brownies.” And ultimately, I only thought about them more and craved them more. The difference here (the difference my brain is offering me) is that resting and free time are good for me, I need more free time in order to not be cranky, etc.) Ultimately, it IS something I want. As compared to the brownies, I only thought I wanted it but it ultimately wasn’t serving me. I think rest serves me. So the question now is, how can I think about things differently in order to get the result I want not only of having (and enjoying thoroughly) my free time, but also to work more efficiently by decreasing my overthinking, worrying, and wishing I were doing something different.

Working on an IM but wanted to get this posted for some guidance. Thanks coaches!