Would you call this a restrictive life? In the sense of not allowing all my feelings in and feel them.
Very often I get up and feel dread. I have to talk with myself to start the day. It takes an effort. Since many years (+25) I do have a strict program to keep myself feeling okay. In the past (>25 years ago) I’ve been diagnosed with depression, have taken medication for a few months, but this felt awful (if someone else had taken over me) and I chose to take another approach. More yoga, regular life, art therapy. I’m an art therapist myself now.
So, I take very well care of my family and myself. I’ve a clean, organised house. I’m cooking healthy and love this. I do all the tasks that comes with having teenagers(!)
Still it often feels like I have to do it in a very regulated way, if not; I will ‘go down’ to being melancholic, nostalgic, ‘too’ sensitive for everything that happens in the world.
It’s a feeling of ‘keeping myself on track’. Often it feels good; I found a method and it works. Sometimes I ask myself if this ever will become an automatic ‘state of being’ without the awareness that’s needed every day.
This doubt comes up when I look at others who seem to live more ‘lightly’. The upside of my ‘regime’ is I’m healthy, eat well, love sports, sleep enough, have a healthy weight, a great house with my family.
Are some people easier affected by mood swings than others? Are some of us more constant in their mental state? Or do you see everything as an effect of what I think?
Thank you for your insight.