revelations and explosions

Dear Brooke,
it took me over a year to be ready to write this letter to you. I love your energy. I love how you cut the crap and move on. I love how consistent you are, how frank and straightforward. Brooke for President! And the world will flip over!
Back in Feb 2016, I had decided to look for a life coaching podcast on my Podcast App. I’m so grateful to myself I did, because I found your podcast and the magic has begun.
After listening to first few podcast in order I started searching through some newer ones and came across the one in which you talk about quitting your Chardonnay. It so happened that I had decided to stop drinking alcohol just a couple of weeks before that (I made this agreement with myself not to drink for a year, I have kept the promise and since then I occasionally have a glass if I want to but the fact is rarely do even think about it).
So BOOM #1 for me! Meaning: hey, I have conceived this great idea on my own and guess what? Brooke Castillo, Master Coach Instructor, did too!
Then, I came across episode #100 in which you talk, among other things, about your relationship with your Mother. This had struck such a deep cord with me because my father had passed away in December 2015, so only a few months prior to me listening to your podcast. It was emotionally hard for obvious reasons but also because I had lost my Mom 10 years earlier and so, I was at the point in my life where I had to consider how am I going to react, what am I going to make it all mean? And again, before listening to your podcast, I had made a kind of pact with myself not to give into drama, not to whine and not to be the victim of the Universe. And isn’t this, roughly, the essence of what you teach!? So, that was BOOM #2. Another revelation! This one allowed me to give myself credit for who I was and what I could create. I heard you say, in the podcast, the very same things that had been wandering in my head. But I heard you say them loud and clear! I heard you being proud and standing tall with the same truths I had discovered for myself. Am I getting too DRAMAtical here :-)? Even if, it is sooo true. It was such a great moment for me! I had, there and then, fully realized that I had been in an unhealthy relationship with myself and for years and years I had been blaming my parents for it, until I had finally stepped into the emotional adulthood. And now, I don’t even think about blaming them. Even such a possibility seems odd!
So, ever since Feb 2016 it keeps BOOMING for me every time I listen to your podcast and it keeps exploding with every coaching call in the Self Coaching Scholars (WHAM!)
As a matter of fact, I have had this revelation again after the last coaching call!  I woke up and BOOM I asked myself: ” hey! Did anyone ever tell me I was ugly, stupid, worthless , etc.?” No! I kept on telling these things to myself! And I kept on believing all this BS. Should a stranger come to me and tell me all this I would probably be hurt but would eventually get over it. But these were my own beliefs! So, I stuck to them.
What does it matter today why I developed them in the first place? All in all, I had a good childhood, maybe a bit too lonely, maybe my father was a bit too autocrat and domineering and I was too fragile and sensitive, and maybe my mother suffered from too much fear and passed some of it me but SO WHAT?
Like you said, you can listen to the same stuff all over again and again and at one point you just start getting it. And it becomes a part of who you are. And you become the next version of yourself. My work now, is to forgive myself for understanding all this a bit late in my life (45) and to start massive action with no further delay.
Best regards to You & Your family. And all the best to Pawel – my husband is Pawel too.