Rewriting the past… belief in myself changing from a positive to a negative


I have believed I see the truth and won’t play the game of going along with the group. I ask lots of questions. I have been told often that I am like the person who says “the emperor is not wearing clothes!” So looking back I see that at a certain point in my life this behavior started to back fire especially in work situations. I got pegged by bosses as a troublemaker while my fellow workers encouraged my behavior, yet would not stand behind me because they don’t want to risk job security or they feel like the system will never change so why bother. I see now how I changed at a certain time frame in my life. I think as a young employee I was not as much of a threat. But now that I have been in jobs where I am older than my bosses, maybe my speaking up is more of a threat to bosses. Should I chalk it up to this? That won’t serve me but with it actually seems to be true as I do my homework about my past. I see lots of evidence. That belief will support my behavior shift to now being that I am a lying people pleaser because now I stay quiet and don’t share ideas. I want to be the wise experienced employee. I can believe that about myself, but my young bosses don’t. How do I show up to work as my best self? I have 3 jobs and I now see this evidence in all 3 places. How can I think different so I am not being blind or jumping to a conclusion? Is there a way to bring up new ideas without being seen as a troublemaker? Is the only way to get along in the workplace to just play the game and build up those with the power? Certainly no one asks for my ideas. Maybe I am too judgmental. Maybe I don’t know the big picture so I should just be quiet and curious. Maybe I should just do my job and not overthink or care about anything except my belief in myself because that feels better and I cannot change circumstances anyway. What thought can I have about this? When I think “ This is not right “ and I then think “oh well, stay in your own lane, just get the paycheck and do what you need to do to keep the boss happy” that feels like I am a lier, people pleaser. But this is the best thought I have been able to come up with. Better ideas?? Thoughts?