River of Misery

I’ve been using the urge jar for the last two weeks, and have been killing it. I’ve lost 5 pounds, and broken my LONG TIME plateau. I am having tons of internal chatter back and forth and I find myself fighting it. “You lost 5 pounds, you deserve this cup of coffee and a biscotti…it’s just coffee and a single cookie. It’s not even really a cookie, it’s nothing.” While I understand that is my primal brain speaking, I guess I feel myself getting frustrated because it seems like it’s getting louder rather than subsiding, and I remember Brooke saying that as you do this eventually the urges will dissipate, and the desire will fade. I understand this takes time, and I understand this “chatter” is a result of my thinking, but I’m having a difficult time putting my finger on what the thought is that is creating this feeling of anxiety. Perhaps it’s the thought that “The urges should be subsiding by now.”?

C – Sat with 26 urges, collected 26 beads.
T – The urges should be subsiding by now, what’s wrong with me?
F – Anxious
A – Suppress/resist urges, fight with myself
R – Obsess over urges

C – Urges
T – I have been giving into these urges for years, it will take longer than 2 weeks to decondition my brain.
F – Secure [honestly, I feel resistance here, I don’t want to believe it will take longer than that even though I intellectually understand it]
A – Trust the process and continue to allow urges.
R – Weight loss and decreased desire for food as comfort.

I’m wondering if this resistance is what Brooke calls the river of misery? Where I’m constantly fighting with myself and feeling miserable…normally I would have quit by now, and find myself eating whatever I want because “it’s just not working” but I know better than that and I want to do better. Is there something I’m missing, or should I just continue to do the work? Do you have any useful thoughts surrounding this resistance I’m having?