River of Misery

The unintentional model:

C: Not asked to an event
T: I’m not good enough for them
F: Rejection
A: Feel sorry for myself, ruminate, review past to determine if I could have made different choices to change this, hide, stay at home, procrastinate on work, feel like giving up, eat, exercise less, criticize myself, want to give up, when I do go out, I’m paranoid about my behavior and want to drink
R: I’m not good enough to/for myself

This is a model that is a habit for me. I can see it and I know I’m “doing it again…” and so I have awareness. I’ve felt sadness, I’ve felt rejection, I’ve done my best to process emotion. At this point, it feels like a self-indulgent loop, like I’m indulging in feeling sorry for myself and it’s just a habit. I’m not entirely sure I can break it.

Intentional model:
C: Not asked to an event
T: I attract what’s best for me, so this is not for me
F: Acceptance
A: move on, go to other events, pursue other work, enjoy my alone time, do models and self-coach
R: I do what’s best for me

My question is that I’m not really believing the new model. I want to. Is this something I need to do a ladder on? Do I need to practice more? Am I in the river of misery? Do I just keep noticing, accepting, practicing the new?

I want to be able to let go of past circumstances and more easily flow with the next step.