Rookie Confused and Stuck – Model Thinking Question


Your wonderful coaching has been EYE-OPENING and a welcome new way of thinking!!!!

I am very new at this, however I feel stuck by something someone said to me years ago. While I cannot stand bathing in a victim mentality, I do believe that sometimes it is important to stop and think. A few years ago I ran into a relative of a good friend at an anti-bullying conference, ironically. He didn’t recognize me at first and then said, “Wow, you used to be a knockout!” Now while I also felt I was about 20 lbs. overweight at the time, I was still hurt, embarrassed and really taken back. This same thought seems to randomly appear from time to time. I CANNOT figure out what my thought (T) should have been in the model. How could I have “spun” his comment any other way than the way he meant it? I could have pretended he told me I was beautiful, but that was not the circumstance or fact. Would you mind untangling this for me and filling in the NOW model below? Thank you.

THEN
C: His comment, “Wow, you used to be a knockout.”
T: That was really mean and thoughtless!
F: Confusion (did he really say that?), hurt, embarrassment, anger, tentative agreement although I would have NEVER said that
A: I have to block this feeling and numb out
R: Went to the hotel gift store and bought 3 candy bars.

NOW
C: His comment, “Wow, you used to be a knockout.”