Thank you so much in advance for what I am assured of will be some amazing questions for my brain to consider. I have been humbled by the caliber of excellence in “My School”. The coaching responses have been wonderful, so thank you.
I’m feeling nervous. I have my weekly coach call tomorrow and I am about to get down and real on them as soon as we start. I have no minutes to waste. 20 minutes seems like such a short time when I am accustomed to standard 50 minute therapy sessions so I have to be efficient. Everything is in my journal. All of my models are written out. I get distracted by everything so I hope that it keeps me focused somewhat better.
As soon as my coach gets on, I’ll introduce myself and then it’s. going. down, Ha! I’m nervous terrified excited. All the feels. I will get coaching tomorrow on the biggest secret that causes me to feel shame in my life… my buffering. I say buffering because I have so many buffering behaviors that I allow to run the show of my life, that it would be lengthy to list them all. So, I am choosing to lump everything under the umbrella of “buffering”. It is all seeking something external to somehow make me feel “right”. While killing me at the same time. Crazy, huh?
I have so much belief in myself that I do not have a terminal disease. I also believe that if I learn to change my thoughts, I can repeat them into a new belief. I also I know in my soul this thing that has caused me so much personal damage could finally be a “non-thing”. A nothing. I learned that here. At TLS. The only school that fits my brain to a T. Thank you.
I am deep into the Stop Overdrinking course and it has been life-changing. I have learned so much about how my brain works. Even better, actual, real ways to change old patterning. I have so much desire to learn this. I have zero reservations that this is what my brain needed all along. But I am struggling with my C-lines. When I put info into the Model, it’s like my mind blanks and I think, “It can’t be that hard”. Yet, it sits blank as I move on to the next Model and leave the lonely C: Line behind.
In the Stop Overdrinking course, “Why we love drinking” module, Brooke asks the question, “Why do I want to drink so much?” I, of course, substitute “buffer” for “drink”. This is what I am sharing with my coach. My real look at why I do what I do, even if I don’t want to. I answered that question. I had eight answers that I thought I believed. I did Models on each answer. My R: Line was always the same, it never waivered and it was very bleak. Until I got to my last answer to the question. Why do I buffer? Because professionals have told me that I would always be in danger of buffering. Omg, I put that one in a model and it was my ONLY clear C: Line that felt right.
C: Professionals said words about buffering
T: That can’t be true. I don’t accept that
F: Curiosity (Is curiosity a feeling?)
A: Attend The Life School
R: Learn more about being able to change my thoughts and beliefs. Acquire some hope.
This was the only model that had anything acceptable in the R: Line. The other models were highly unacceptable to me. Absolute, hard stop no.
I hope the coach tomorrow is up to getting down and real with me right off the bat. It will also be nice to be held in a spirit of non-judgement. Lordy, I am hard enough on myself as it is. Thank you for your response. I guess my question was more of a story.