Sabotage – capacity to have

I am noticing a strong pattern in my relationship of self-sabotage. I am grumpy, judgmental, have a huge manual for my fiancé, etc despite having done a year of 1:1 coaching on this. I think I lack the capacity to have the truly amazing relationship that I have with him. Somehow I haven’t been able to take all the coaching work from intellectual to real life. How do I do this? We fight on a weekly basis to the point that he tells me he doesn’t want to be married to me, hates me, isn’t in love with me, etc. Those are his thoughts, or maybe his actions based on other thoughts, but for him to get to that point suggests that my behavior is really terrible.