For many years I have had fits of profound sadness where I feel an overwhelming ache of emotional pain and I will sob for hours. These can last weeks but I eventually move through them when I get curious about them. When I remove buffers from my life I feel the sadness more acutely of course, since it was always there and I was just muting the sound.

I want to let the sadness exist so I can get to the place where I understand it. But I am also aggravated that it keeps coming up for me after all these years. Like I am broken in some way because I feel deeply sad and rarely have an obvious reason for it.

I want to release the judgement and just let myself go through the process as this is my 50 percent. But I don’t know how to feel neutral about sadness.