Sadness model

Today is my son’s birthday. He’s 15 years old.  He has ADHD, school phobia and ODP.
I was doing my thought download and I did my Unintentional Model.
Could you check it please ?

C : son birthday
T: today is son’s birthday
F: sad
A: crying
Thinking about everything I did wrong
Thinking about all the evidence that he is feeling terrible (he has told me about wanting to kill himself)
R: Feeling loop of sadness

And I wonder if my model is ok?  I didn’t even know what to do next because usually I do an Intentional Model, but here I don’t want to be happy or feeling great about the situation.  The only thing I want is the situation to be different. I wish my son did not have these disorders.  I could think about how I want to show up regarding this situation and the kind of mom I want to be : supportive, strong, able, loving.
Do you have any advice?