Saying No To People

Hello SCS Team,

I’d love some help with my model and any feedback with this circumstance.

This isn’t a real circumstance yet but I constantly play it out in my head- saying NO to people.

There are two people in my life who I have decided I don’t want to spend anymore time with.

But I basically wake up everyday or randomly think about them throughout the day and imagine they text me and I’m already feeling FEAR!

I’ve realized that I feel fear because they will either 1. be angry at me; 2. be sad and confused or 3. maybe not care. I instantly feel the need to justify it…. aka lie.

Here’s my model. In my imagination I have thoughts about them just asking and I also have thoughts about me saying no. I’m going to include both.

C: Cousins asks to hangout
T: I don’t want to
F: Dread/ fear
A: Avoid responding… ruminate all day
(Could use some help with my result) R: Don’t enjoy hanging out with myself- because my brain is a mess.

Second Model:

C: I say “No thanks!”
T: Shit, she’s gonna be sad.
F: Just bad.
A: Focus on her emotions all day.
R: (Could use some help with my result)

How do you own your own power and feel your own feelings when you want to say no to people?
I know I think I am in charge of other people’s emotions when I assume how someone will feel if I say no. But I feel almost positively certain they’re going to be sad. It makes me feel like I need to give them a long creepy explanation of why I just don’t want to spend time with her/ them anymore.