Scarcity and the cave

I’m frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated that I’ve let myself become burnt out by choosing to work at a job for the pay and health insurance. I am frustrated that most of the money I used to receive help from sleep specialists hasn’t helped increase my level of alertness and seeing the majority of my take home pay go towards covering rent or city taxes.

I know I have scarcity rather than abundance mindset and I want abundance. There are things that I see that point towards abundance like having money saved, a place to live, not keeping items that don’t serve me, and a family I can talk to but my brain wants to tell me that l’ll never have the money for the things I really want. It keeps reminding me of the last time I lost my job, trying to protect me from not having enough money to use for things that aren’t essential unless I have a stable job.

Regardless of my job scarcity thoughts I really want monthly massages and I’d really like to see the ocean.

I know I have a lot of muscle knots, almost every massage therapist I see tells me I’m in their top 3 or 10 patients they’ve seen with the worst knots. I can feel the knots build every day from stress over losing my job to not using money since its seen as a luxury and I can’t be spending on something luxurious when I think I may lose my job.

I’d really like to take a vacation to see the ocean but my brain is telling me to not take the trip, that I won’t be able to resave the money I spend on the trip, and that I may lose my current job soon so I should use the money on living expenses if I do lose my job. Additionally my brain keeps reminding me that I’m too scared to fly alone since I’ve never done so before , I’m afraid of large bodies of water engulfing the bridges I need to travel along to get to a beach to see the ocean, or I’ll be kidnapped if I use an uber so I’ll need to rent a car for the week.

Additionally, I joined self coaching scholars initially to increase my take home pay but I have not yet met this goal after a year. I know there are others that don’t meet their goals as well but my brain focuses on scarcity, that I won’t have enough like the others that reach their goals so I should go back to the cave. I am being taken over by the continuing money and job scarcity thoughts offered by my brain.

My brain, I think is offering me these scarcity thoughts since it wants to protect me from not having a job or money. It wants to protect me from the conversations with my family about why quitting my job isn’t a great idea or what their beliefs are about a job. I wish my brain would instead be on my side and take risks. There may be a job I won’t be burnt out from that also provides a great paycheck, I just haven’t discovered it yet. I want to stop being in the cave and live a life that I can look back on without saying that I wish I would have ventured out of the cave.

How do I move towards being outside the cave even though my brain is against it ?