I woke up with a strange feeling this morning. I am sad. I feel sad because I want to feel loved. I recognise it is a pattern I have when I meet someone I really like.

For years I have been suppressing me wanting to have someone next to me, who loves me for me and who is there for me. I always believed I was better off alone or at least I was strong on my own. But this last couple of days I have been believing it is possible again, which gives me hope and I feel loved. But on the other hand it also freaks me out. I am so scared of failing, being hurt. And this ends up me feeling really lonely. Well I know failing is not the worst. And it would be much worst doing nothing. But this feeling take quite a lot of headspace and energy and gets me distracted from my goal. Getting in contact with people I like. I guess me acknowledging this pattern is a good thing. I should not blame myself and also don’t get stuck in negativity by ignoring it. I already went through the thoughts which pop up in my mind. I know these thoughts are not reality and that they don’t serve me. I am working on believing new things about myself (how I love myself) and me in relationships (that I, as other people deserve a relationship).

Do you have any tips how to engage in this situation so I don’t get stuck and stop achieving my goal? What to focus on? It already helps me sharing and writing down this down.