Scared People Scare People

I just listened to the “Jens coaching call” from last Friday and found myself really thinking deeply about how we can not control anyone else’s behavior. I also read your response to “2 Jenns and January $$ worth” about how “scared people scare people”.

My daughter is a junior in high school. She has been a B student but has tougher classes this year and currently has poor grades in several of her classes. She is admittedly overwhelmed. Being a successful corporate manager, I am telling her exactly what she needs to do to get back on track. She gets so mad at me because instead of telling her what to do, all she wants from me is to hear that everything will be ok. Up until now, my only thought was being ok = passing grades.

I realize now I am full of fear that she is going to fail. I am making a failing grade mean that I am a bad parent to let this happen. I am scaring her into believing that she is going to fail. I want her to do better, she wants to do better but what if failing a class or 2 is what is meant to happen?

When you said that Jen #2 alcoholic sister’s journey is the experience she is meant to have, I thought about this for my daughter. What if struggling this year in school and failing a class or 2 is the experience my daughter is meant to have.

I want to fix this for her but I am truly realizing that it’s not mine to fix. My work appears to be getting to a place of peace with however this turns out for my daughter, yes?

Thank you.