Schedule of conditions

I’ve just realized that my manual for my husband looks more like a “schedule of conditions” to me. I feel responsible toward myself to create the “proper” married life I want. I have this mental schedule of conditions I should apply to complete my job nicely. And it’s impossible for me to do so, because my husband doesn’t fit into my plan. I guess my brain has written this schedule of conditions for me (and I feel pressure to apply it) AND a manual for my husband (and I feel frustrated because he doesn’t follow it). I don’t know how to let go of my expectations toward myself and my husband, and I feel a lot of frustration in my marriage. Any help?