I am part of an online writing group. We are supposed to meet every two weeks. Our teacher’s husband had a stroke, and we were on hold. She emailed yesterday to say that we’d meet this Thursday. I have a previous engagement that I made when we weren’t schedule for this Thursday. Everyone else can go. She said, OK, everyone but you. Write about your experience that you’re doing instead. When I asked if we are meeting two weeks from now, she said no because that date didn’t work for everyone. This made me upset, because it’s OK to schedule around others but not me? (Clearly, that’s my thought). I was going to write back and ask if we could find a day this week that would work, but talked myself out of it because our teacher has so much on her plate right now and I didn’t want to add to it. But I’m not happy about it and want to feel better! I did a thought download about it, and wrote the following model:
C- Linda has group Thursday without me but won’t schedule other days when other members can’t meet
T – I’m not important to the group
F – marginalized
A – Don’t speak up about the inconsistency, don’t write,
R – I reinforce that I’m not important
I get so stuck on Action, because to me I start writing down all the things that I think when I feel marginalized. Can’t a loop of negative self-thoughts be an action?