Scholar work – noticing changes

I’ve been in scholars for 6 months. Recently, I sent a text to someone and they didn’t respond for 5 days. It bothered me when I didn’t hear back within a day or so and then I think it was day 3 where I thought to myself, “it’s okay, she didn’t have to respond, she doesn’t have to.”

I realized that my thinking I should have heard back from her within a certain time frame was my manual for her. Having this realization was a little bit freeing but I still continued to think about no text back and feeling disregarded by her but I was also pleased I had this ah-ha moment. Then, this morning before I received a response, I made a story that this person was upset with me because one of her kids got hurt at my house. I also realize all of this may be true and I will never know so all I can do is work on myself and show up how I want to show up.

The other small change I noticed is I thought to myself “I need new underwear” and then I caught myself and realized, “I want new underwear.” I know this is silly to write this out but it felt important to me that I caught the distinction between saying I need something and realizing it was a want (I have a lot of underwear). I didn’t feel bad when I realized I wanted new and didn’t have to be without before wanting new.

During the recent replay with Martha, I appreciated that she talked about the power of being curious and staying focused on finding the answer rather than saying, I don’t know.

So I’m open to feedback or other thoughts on changes I’ve noticed. Thank you.