Second viewing

C: walk into my current closet and put clothes away
T: I don’t think my new place has enough closet space
T: where will I put my luggage?
T: I don’t want clutter
T: I don’t want to not be able to find things
T: maybe I should look for a different place
T: but what if all places have little storage?
T: maybe I need to go back and measure some things.
T: ultimately what I make this mean is that I will live in a disorganized mess and will be frustrated and resentful and cramped all the time
F: anxiety
A: look up pictures online of apartment and try to speculate about what will fit, I imagine scenarios where my things don’t fit, I look for other apartments online, I research how to deal with not having enough space (storage solutions)
R: I feel frustrated and resentful and anxious ahead of time, and my mind is a disorganized mess.

How do I want to show up?

I want to make an informed decision. I want to go back to the condo and make sure there’s enough space. I want a second look. But I think the owner might be weird about it, because she wanted to do the first showing virtual because of covid and I said no.

C: desire for second viewing
T: owner is not going to want to do that
F: resistant
A: I don’t ask for a second showing, wallow in indecision, I resist the discomfort of asking and fear that she will say no or think I’m too high maintenance
R: I don’t want to ask, and I don’t ask, I am a people pleaser, I continue to try and manage how others think about me

C: desire for second viewing
T: she thinks I’m too high maintenance and will maybe take the offer away. If she takes the offer away, I won’t have someplace to live.
F: resistant
A: I don’t ask her for a second viewing
R: I don’t get a second viewing? Is that my result? I continue people pleasing.

I do think that if I don’t have somewhere to live, that would be bad.

C: thought that “owner might retract offer if I ask for a second showing”
T: This would be bad. I would have nowhere to live and might end up spending more money for something I like less.
F: resentment
A: I do nothing. Stew in my head about what to do, waste time and energy on indecision
R: I ruin my current experience, I don’t ask for what I want, I don’t get what I want

C desire to view apartment a second time
T I could feel the anxiety about asking and ask anyway
F courageous, open
A I feel the anxiety and ask her anyway
R I ask for what I want and learn that I can handle the feeling of anxiety

C feeling of anxiety
T. This anxiety is a gift, it is a doorway to my personal growth
F open and willing
A I lean into the feeling of anxiety and feel it fully
R I grow

C desire for second viewing
T I am learning to have my back to matter what. If I don’t get the place, I am confident I can handle it.
F confident
A I ask for second viewing, have less attachment to getting the unit
R I have my own back

Open to feedback!