Seeing someone new (and obsessing)

I’m very recently divorced and started seeing someone. I used to know him as a kid and had a huge crush on him. I always thought of him over the years. When we were kids, I moved away and then he did too.

When we were 20/21, he moved back and we became friends but I was with someone else and then got pregnant with my oldest. We went our separate ways. He became “the one that got away.” I always wondered what could’ve been. Eventually I got married and had another child (then got divorced).

A few months ago, I hit him up. It was easy to talk to him. I liked what we had in common. He was now a single dad. However, he was seeing someone else at the time but wasn’t sure where it was headed. I let him know I would love to get to know him and see where things could go with us if he decided that he didn’t want to be with this other girl. He entered a relationship with this girl, and we went our separate ways again. I decided it was for the best since I was freshly separated.

Then a couple of weeks ago, he messaged me again. Again, we connected as if we’d never stopped talking. The chemistry was still there. And he let me know he was single. We’ve seen each other 3 times since, and it’s been amazing each time. I’m really enjoying getting to know him, but my mind goes crazy sometimes! Why hasn’t he texted? Should I text him? How often is too often? No, I should let him text me first. I notice my mood change if I start to feel anxious about something I said or maybe I haven’t heard from him (thinking this is going to end or he doesn’t like me the same way). Or wondering when I’ll see him again. My mind indulges in all kinds of thoughts about him all the time.

I’m really excited that we’re finally getting this chance, but at the same time, I struggle with wondering what the hell is going through his mind, what his intentions are/could be, what if it doesn’t work out, WHAT IF IT DOES, should I text him/should I not, I should just enjoy this and see where it goes. Just typing all of this out helps. The thought I want to have is I’m excited to see where this goes. I want to make the most of this and be my best self. But sometimes I go to: What if I’m not good enough? What if he just wants to have a good time but isn’t interested in a relationship? Am I coming across as too pushy?

Any tips on managing my mind during this stage of seeing someone? I’m excited that we’re finally seeing each other and the timing FINALLY seems right, but at the same time, I don’t want to put so much pressure on me/him and have all of these expectations or fall in love with the possibility vs the reality, etc. I really want things to work out with him, but what if they don’t? What if this isn’t meant to be at all? Thanks!