I had a doctor’s annual checkup 3 months ago and my doctor told me I would be looking at obesity, cholesterol pills, and a whole host of health issues if I didn’t lose 30 pounds and cut flour and sugar out of my diet.

Since that appointment, I’ve been trying to do that. I lost 8 pounds but then gained 17 more by overeating all day every day.

I saw him again on Friday and he left no question as to what he thought of the number on the scale. I weighed myself and he said, “Well, that’s just great! 17 pounds heavier! Congratulations, you are officially obese and sick!”

To which I responded, “The number on my scale is neutral.” He said, “I don’t know in what world you’re living in but YOUR number on the scale is anything but neutral. It’s the evidence of poor, bad, awful lifestyle choices. You should seek serious help and consider going to Over-Eaters Anonymous or some other rehab place.”

I went home and on my way back stopped at a diner and ate a bagel with butter and jam. Cearly, you would think his words would have some impact but I found the thoughts that were running in my head after my meeting with him were:

“Well, clearly the number on my scale is not neutral.”
“This is really bad.”
“I messed up so bad.”
“When will I figure this out already?”
“What else needs to happen for me to stop overeating already?”
“I am flawed.”
“He thinks I need rehab, that must mean I am hopeless.”

All these thoughts created worry, shame, and dread which led me to overeat right after our meeting, unsurprisingly. I have also overeaten throughout the weekend.

Now, I want to see what I want to make the number on my scale mean and everything he said. My brain considers everything he said as a fact since he gave me a doctor’s opinion and not just a random person’s opinion.

I know he wants me to be healthy. I want to be healthy too. How could I see the fact that I gained 17 pounds as neutral and where do I go from here so that I can act from love and not hurry, urgency and panic?