Seeking approval to live my life

I found a thought that’s been driving me for years. (Or better yet, “keeping me in park”)

C: my life – the way I live
T: well, I don’t want to do the wrong thing so I’ll just wait until someone (or something) tells me what to do.
F: empty
A: waits and pretty much does nothing
R: existing in a delusional space of frustration, jealousy, and depression.

Ok- now my new one.

C: my life – the way I live
T: nobody is coming to save me but me.
F: fearful
A: still doesn’t really do much due to fear.
R: still just existing.

I think I feel fearful because thinking my old way is the only thing I’ve ever known. Anything outside of that is unfamiliar territory.

I’ve been waiting on this “prophecy” to come raining down for me, and it has yet to come. It just now hit me like a ton of bricks that there is a high chance it’s never coming. Like ever.

What I mean is if I want to figure out my life, it’s truly up to me, and nobody else. There is no prophet coming my way, no elder at church coming my way, no preacher, no angel, no dream while I’m sleeping, no nothing….🤷🏻‍♀️

I think I’ve had the wrong mindset for so many years that I never understood any different.

It never occurred to me that I could just unapologetically get out there and find it myself.

And I know this is the language you speak. Intellectually I can grasp this concept. I just still feel like I’m chasing the approval of someone.

Is this really how life is?

And I just had to wrong?

Thanks for any insight