Through my work eliminating buffering I’ve come to see how much self-abandonment (aka people-pleasing) I’ve allowed in my life and now I don’t love my husband anymore (and I’m not sure I want to). I’m afraid to leave and tear my family apart (yep, back to the self-abandonment). My brain offers me the option of leaving and seeing if my husband and I can “start over” through a separation and see what flavor of relationship we have if I’m not people-pleasing. Then the fear of exposing my 4 kids to all the thoughts that can cause pain when parents separate comes up for me. My thoughts about being the C that triggers possible pain for my kids are painful.
There’s a lot in my head.