Self condemnation

Hi! I was raised in a home that was great in some ways and very difficult in others. My dad was very hard on us and I am realizing I am very very hard on myself. I am hard on others and often feel general stress and anxiety. I did things decades ago (abortion from extreme fear of my dad‘s judgement, drugs, alcohol) that I have carried with me and have hidden from everyone from a very shame based nature.
I started Scholars wanting to lose weight and quit smoking, but have discovered I have deeper work to do on my thoughts about myself, my past etc. I have watched a few of those videos, but would like some guidance on where to go from here. I really want to love myself and have peace with myself, my past and quit being a people/my dad pleaser. I want to have joy back!!! Thank you so much.