I recently started dating someone and I have generally been happy with how it’s been going. I’ve been trying to show restraint and I have felt good about that.
Last night he said he found me attractive, cares about me, and that when he cares about someone he finds them more attractive. My model looks like this…
C: He said he cares about me and he finds people he cares about more attractive
T: He doesn’t think I am actually attractive and he is making me attractive with his caring
A: Decreased feelings of intimacy, attraction, trust, care. I wonder if he thinks he is superior to me in some way, or that I need some sort of care to be attractive. I think about stopping seeing him because I think he might not think well of me, might have been talking down to me. I think of asking him what his message was. I am distracted and unsettled.
R: I am not becoming attractive by my actions????? (not sure about this)
I don’t think I’m pitifully unattractive to need to have his care to become attractive.
Maybe my other T is He is pitying me and I don’t want to be pitied.
Something about this feels bad to me and I’m not sure I’ve hit it.
Is that I need to do more models with different feelings and see which one is the correct feeling, or something else?
I’m also wondering about alternative thoughts, feelings, actions I could have and if my R line makes sense.