My go-to emotions seem to be guilt and shame, related to both work and personal situations, usually where there is something I think I should have done that I didn’t do. I am finding myself hiding and immobilized more and more by these feelings. I had a private coaching session with a wonderful coach (thank you Debby Zurinski!) who suggested that in the one particular situation I shared with her, I first forgive myself. I would be grateful for guidance as to how to do this. Here are some models:

UM:
C: I didn’t contact E after her husband died 2 years ago.
T: I am a bad person.
F: Shame
A: Do not contact E, ruminate about my failure to contact her, beat myself up, try to imagine things I could say to her and judge all possibilities I come up with harshly
R: I am disconnected from E

IM:
C: I didn’t contact E after her husband died 2 years ago.
T:
F: Acceptance
A: I forgive myself, I contact E
R: I am at peace

The following thoughts are not helping me feel any better: There were things going on with me that led me not to contact E and that’s OK. I made a mistake and that’s OK. I am human.
I am realizing that I don’t view the circumstance as neutral at all and I am drawing a blank as to how to do so. It is as though the circumstance in my mind has “and I should have” at the end of it.