Self hatred


Hello, hoping you can help with this model. I’m struggling to find a new thought that I believe. I feel like the work around goal setting and results is making me feel worse. I know this is wrong, and has to do with what I am making it mean. But am struggling to find thoughts that don’t make me feel horrible.

Model from today:
C: colleague gave list of accomplishments + I planned for 5 results at work, got 4 done.
T: I’m a failure, a loser, a bad person, I don’t do enough, I’m not giving 150% at work. I’m not adding enough value. I don’t do what I say I will do. I have a terrible relationship with myself.
F: sad, depressed, exhausted
A: can’t get off the couch when I get home from work
R: I don’t get anything else done?

New model:
C: colleague gave list of accomplishments + I planned for 5 results, got 4 done.
T: good for her? (don’t believe this) 4 results is enough? (don’t believe this…you say you should always get done what you say you will do)
F: I want to feel happy, at peace, good about myself, like I’m enough
A: ?
R: ?

I don’t want to feel like a failure every day. I don’t want to wake up every morning and say ‘Do more today, do better today. You allowed 5 urges yesterday, but gave into 1. You can do more. You can do better. You ate on plan for everything except 5 chips. You can do better.’ I know we’re supposed to be setting goals, and striving, but wondering if my goals should just be self-love and compassion and positivity, and not achievements. Or is this an excuse? A cop-out? An escape fail?
I’m afraid you are going to say, why aren’t you doing more? You can do more. You can do twice what you are doing now.
Thanks for any insight.