Self Image Thoughts

I am knee deep in a shame spiral right now.

I just saw a video of me doing an interview for the company I work for. Tons of thoughts ensued: “Omg. Do I really look like that? Omg, I’m disgusting. I sound stupid. When this is posted online, he will never want to meet me in person.” Note: I met someone via online dating, but we haven’t yet met in person.

C: Saw video of me
T: If he sees me from that angle, he won’t want to meet me
F: Ashamed
A: Hide, pull away
R: I don’t want to meet people and the people I want in my life don’t want to meet me because I’m not showing up to my life

C: Saw video
T: If people see the truth, they won’t want to meet me
F: Ashamed
A: Pull away
R: Not showing up as the true me

C: Saw video of me
T: Omg, I look disgusting
F: Horrified
A: Freeze, want to buffer (get on social media, eat), Call my mom and tell her how ugly I am
R: Look disgusting???

I’m looking for some feedback on these models, but also, what are some questions I could ask myself to get me out of this shame spiral or at least not buffer through it? Thank you!