Self- loathing

So I’m suffering from some major self loathing right now. I know I’m choosing to but as I sit here trying t run intentional models, they just feel so fake. I know where the self loathing stems from as I’ve asked for help on here before. However, learning to tell myself I’m good enough just as I am is difficult because I’ve believed for far too long that I’m not. My current situation is that I really want to own my own salon someday and in my heart I feel I would be really good at it. I don’t always love our staff at the salon I’m currently at and I keep telling myself this is all happening for me and I’ll be ready to open my own when I’m ready. I’m getting better at my craft all the time and I’m currently building a solid clientele as I write this and need to keep believing that people are choosing to come see me because they like my work but even more so because they like me. I have been told more than once from clients that I would be a great owner and that I seem so confident and put together which I obviously don’t believe. It feels so great saying that I want to own a shop even though I feel so incapable right now. I know that once I have the proper tools I could be a really great leader even though I’m not even the leader in my own life at the moment. Although I’m in self loathing mode right now I know it was what I am truly meant to do to live my life to its fullest capacity. I want to offer top notch services, have the best stylists lining up to work with me, I want to inspire and be inspired, I want the best social media and tech people all while making ridiculous amounts of money (which I’m repeatedly told is not possible including my boss). Obviously I have a looong way to go and need to first believe I’m a good enough human as is. I first of all need lots of help creating bridge models to get me going so I can live this dream life. Thanks Brooke, you strong and fearless leader!!!