Self loathing

I regularly feel self loathing. It happened this morning. I took a wrong turn while driving and listening to a podcast.

My thoughts:
You cant do anything right. If you didn’t have this weight problem you wouldn’t need to listen to this podcast and you could function in the world. You’ve spent so much time on this and you just keep failing.
The feeling is self loathing.
Actions I take are binge, plan a binge, isolate myself, focus on my failure, consider self harming, or just cry
And the result is more evidence that there’s something wrong with me.

What do I do with this awareness now?

I feel like trying to form intentional models won’t be believable. Because the unintentional models feel like the truth.

My mind feels like an ugly mean place. It’s no wonder I distract myself with food most of the time.