self loathing

I’ve been working on the program Thoughts About You and I have been doing thought downloads on how I think of myself and I discovered that the thoughts I have of my self are centered around self loathing, It”s literally I hate myself, I hate my life, I want to die. I have a desire to change these thoughts to love myself. I don’t know if it’s useful to explore where this loathing stems from or if I should work on thought ladders to change this idea of hating myself, I want to love myself and it is in my own best interest to be able to feel love instead of being annoyed constantly by me very existence. The negative thinking is sometimes just too much to bear and my brain screams to me to please go and buffer with anything, I usually resist the temptation to buffer but lately where it was easy to allow an urge it now is becoming resisting an urge because I want to feel better.