Good morning Brooke!
I love your Friday coach like this week because this is exactly what I want to tell you about today.
I thought I was being compassionate to myself. Since the beginning of the month, I’ve been working harder than ever on stopping overeating and have made lots of mistakes. So I’m filling many “Write it down and move on” worksheets and improving a lot. But, still, I can hear this little voice in my head saying “you shouldn’t have done that”, “you shouldn’t be this slow in losing the weight”, “you should already be thin…”
And today, I’ve realised that all those shoulds were self-reproach and they were getting me nowhere near my goal. Doing thought downloads, I’ve found this little sentence: “the more I reproach myself with X, the more I care.” So I’ve definitely been indulging in self-reproach.
C – my overeating
T – the more I reproach myself with X, the more I care about X.
F – defeated, discouraged, guilt, shame
A – I focus on the negative, I overeat to ease the pain
R – I’ve got more reasons to blame myself, showing how much I care about it
But I also understand now that it’s the intensity of that emotion that matters most. And if I want to feel intensely, there are many other emotions I’d rather feel than self-reproach: compassion is the first one that comes to my mind.
T – The more compassionate I feel towards myself, the more I care.
F – compassionate, loving, curious
A – I focus on everything I do and have done right, I track that everyday,
R – I feel even more love and compassion for myself.
What’s more, when I feel self-reproach, I can feel my tummy contracting whereas when I think compassionate thoughts, my body relaxes and my digestion is smoother. There’s the proof I just needed for that new thought!
Funny because I knew intellectually that love would be the best option to choose from when dealing with others like my children or my students but I was still unaware that I had that much self-reproach in me. I feel like an onion – I keep uncovering new layers of thoughts and emotions!
What are your thoughts on that?
Have a great day! Thank you,
Nadège