Self sabatoge

I’m totally stuck in passive not massive action for years – and trying to find my why – but it’s like I’m waiting for the shoe to drop – something bad to happen, cancer, lose house etc – so I’ve gained 40 pounds put myself in credit card debt , drinking too much- sabatoging my life – but why… I can’t visualize my future. I feel so tired and brain dead it’s hard to make a plan – honestly I eat horrible so maybe it’s food clouding my brain – any suggestions would be appreciated. I want 2017 to be amazing and end my struggles- I have it in models and plans and organized just need to implement it! The hard part for sure