Self sabotage

I have a habit of setting goals, making plans, and then not following through. I know what I need to do to accomplish my goals but when it comes time to take action, I buffer instead. A lot of the time I buffer by rearranging my entire plan/ calendar to take the planned action at a future time.

I think the reason why I do this is because I don’t want to feel any discomfort and this way I don’t have to it’s like I believe I will do it later and then get relief from the discomfort of not wanting to do it now which is only temporary relief bc inevitably I beat myself up for not doing what I say I’m going to do.

I’m tired of being like this and living in this daily cycle of misery- constantly planning, scheduling, and calendaring actions that I will most likely never take to reach my goals. Sometimes I catch myself while buffering instead of doing what I planned to do but at that moment I’m just like “ fuck it” I want the pleasure.

When I reflect on my behaviors, I’m frustrated. How can I get my higher brain to have some authority over my primal brain when I’m in those moments of awareness? I find this pattern all over my life-giving in and giving up when things feel even slightly difficult. How do I raise my tolerance for discomfort and start taking the actions I planned in advance?

T: I don’t want to do this
F: resistance
A: buffer with the phone, buffer with calendar, rearrange the schedule to make myself feel better, beat me up later, and then drink to feel better about beating myself up.
R: I don’t do the things