Self sabotage / choosing negative thoughts


So here goes…
My partner and I have been together for 7-8 years. We have money saved and from separations that we haven’t utilized.
I have two kids 19 &17 who we have week on week off with my ex.
Partner has two kids 12 and 10 who stay every weekend.

We live not far from my ex, close to work in a very small house, renting from partners parents. We live very close to the city / work. We both work long hours.

His kids live 45 mins away in traffic (which there isn’t so much right now) but … his parents live 20 mins away in the house he grew up in on the river. Apart from my kids my family live in another state.

The problem – he wants to live on a waterfront property … which he continues to find in the suburb his parents live in.

I don’t want to live close to his family, on the water, or in the suburbs.

I have thought downloads that range from not wanting to commute daily, to I won’t see my kids because they won’t want to live with me so far from friends and uni, to I don’t want to be suffocated by his family, to I’ll be lonely in the in the suburbs when he is working long late meetings, ; if I look at a house it will give him ideas I will move there.. and then maybe I can do this on conditions … “if we live there, we move to my family interstate in 5 years”… and buy cars and fuel for my kids…

Any and all of the thoughts lead to feelings of anxiety, frustration and bitterness.

With any of the thoughts / feelings my actions are – distraction (refuse to engage with partner when he suggests properties; buffering by drinking and working late, ruminating about missing my kids, imagining this big house and me it in alone. Clenching my jaw. And not sleeping. (Hence the long post now…) looking for investment properties near my family interstate or properties that are big enough for us but we cant afford near where we currently live.

Naturally the result is nothing. Inertia. No assets, living in a small rented house – still squashed by family because it is their house.

Why I am going through this with you now? He has arranged an inspection in the morning and I can’t sleep (which I am blaming on the idea of the inspection).

Alas… in the spirit of shifting my energy and finding some peace..
So the ladder thought might be…
C waterfront property in suburb
T – I could have a look for the hell of it
F – Interest with discomfort
A – Go and have a look. Have an open mind. Focus on open attitude and mindfully stop negative thoughts from entering my mind about the circumstance and observe the house for what it is.
R – I got out of the house and looked at a house near the water.

Doesn’t mean I have to buy it. Doesn’t mean I am committing to the suburb. I’m just simply broadening my horizons and going for a drive.

Thank you for listening. I just coached myself to a calm feeling.

If you have any ideas on more useful thoughts I would sincerely appreciate.