I was doing soooo good. I got down 20 lbs. i was eating a vegan + gluten-free diet and feeling amazing. And then i decided that i wanted to exercise on my way down to my next 20 lbs which would get me to my goal weight (i know brooke says not to exercise if you werent alreay, but… duh, i thought i was a special unicorn and her warnings didnt apply to me lol).

I signed up for a 21-day workout program that encouraged zero cheat meals and promised amazing toned results (day one of the program was this past monday july 9). And in prearation for this day-one, last weekend i thought, whoa 3 weeks and no joy eats?! I know exactly what i need to do… I should have the cheatiest cheat day all day saturday. So i did. And Saturday i felt sick all day, and guess what? You guessed it…. ive cheated every day since!!

So what i need help with… how did i go from doing great, to trying to push myself to be better and exercising, to total self-sabotage. Im trying to put what has happened into models but i feel like a deer in headlights (and possibly even a deer that used to be in headlights but is now road kill lol.)
Heres me trying though:

C: down 20 lbs, 20 lbs more to go
T: i want to be more toned when im down to my goal weight/i dont want to lose so much muscle as i lose weight
F: anxious
A: sign up for exercise program
R: one step closer to toned body goal

C: signed up for a 21-day body transformation program that allowed zero cheat meals.
T: this is gonna be hard and its gonna suck
F: tense, white-knuckling,
A: give in to all the cravings
R: its hard

** couple more thoughts- was the choice to add exercise wrong? But then i think, is it possible i fell back into self-sabotage because i was so comfortable with my current protocol that when i made a shift for better results, things became different/harder and thus uncomfortable so really my self-sabotage isn’t about the exercise ar all, and instead really about an unwillingness i had, yet again, to be uncomfortable?