September goes out with a bang – AMD

Not really a question… some observations on where I’m at.
– TWO MODELS – to an outside observer, I would appear the same but inside… big difference
C: Visit to Nursing Home on schedule
T: I have commitments for my job & SCS call at 8 pm but I should try to run over there for 1/2 hour at 7 pm.
F: Pressure
A: Dilly dally, don’t make a decision, run out of time, don’t go
R: Suffer ( I should have gone)
How do I want to feel? FREE
C: Visit to Nursing Home on schedule
T: I love going but I have to prioritize so this month I’m not taking the dog to the nursing home.
F: Relief
A: Focus getting work done so I can enjoy 8 pm call
R: Don’t go and also, no mental spinning, free to enjoy call.
Huge behavior change for me, Nursing home gets same result either way
C: Goals – missed target yesterday
T: Sick of them
F: Dejected
A: Don’t do them anymore
R: Always have them (because they aren’t done.) <- OH!!
How do you need to feel: I prefer to hit my goals.
C: Goals – missed target
T: I prefer to hit them
F: Accepting
A: Try again
R: Hit some or all
Here’s the wild part… I did those before I confirmed that I’d missed my target. At that moment, I only believed I missed it… I wasn’t sure
C: Goals – calculated and actually hit my target. Wow!
T: I love my goals
F: excited
A: Get on to working on goals
R: Hit a bunch of goals

ONLY DIFFERENCE? MY MIND… I had the achieved the exact same target in all three scenarios. SO WILD.
OK and this morning… I sat down to decide where I wanted to be on Monday & next week to plan out my tasks. Decided to write out 10 year, 5 year, 1 year, End of Year, 1 month, 1 week goals to see how my week aligned with the overall goals. Odd thing I did – I wrote out my age, the age of my husband, son, granddaughter, dogs, parents next to each category. That brought home the idea of time in relation to the people I care about and put more emphasis on planning around how I want to show up for them. I wrote my plans, made them big, added some stuff to make them exciting and felt… good but a little off. I look at my little note card for where I want to be in 2020… yep, it aligns still.

Normally I would have stopped there. But with the insights I’ve had with my schedule this month I had a new thought. Where were the back packing trips with my hiking friends? Nowhere. Where was the stuff that was just about me? Not about being responsible, not about being there for others…the things my family doesn’t do…but I love? No where. Only ones on there are the ones that make money… for us all. My husband? Apparently the poor guy just gets dragged along on the responsibility ride with me, because none of his best stuff was there either. If he has any, there’s not much room for them.

Brand new thought: I have to go back and put that shit in first – And. That’s. OK.

Thank you SCS. From the bottom of my backpackin’ heart.