Sex and intimacy


Dear Brooke,

My husband and I have different desires for intimacy with each other. I want sex with a greater frequency and a deeper level of intimacy than he does. As I have lost weight and gotten healthier my sex drive has increased but I have stopped asking for and looking for sex since the request is almost always unmet. We worked with a sex therapist for a short time 3 years ago after he had an affair. It was helpful at the time but since then we have returned to a situation where we are roommates rather than lovers. He says his lack of desire for intimacy stems from conflict in our relationship and his erectile dysfunction. He does not want to talk about either of these situations with me or a professional. I have returned to the sex therapist on my own to talk to someone but he is not interested in returning to counseling.

I hear you coach so many other people and I can clearly see their thoughts are blocking them from emotional freedom. However, I have a blind spot in my situation and would love to get your feedback.

The first part of my question deals with finding a bridge thought to move me through this situation and help me find peace.
Here is this mornings download:
C No sex in 3 months
T I deserve to have sex
F Angry
A Lash out at husband
R I am hostile towards husband

The bridge thoughts I am working with are:
Husband is struggling with erectile dysfunction and thats okay
Husband is a good dad
I am not having sex and thats okay
Husband and I have different levels of interest in sex.

Most of these bridge thoughts result in

F shame/ sadness
A crying
R Feel the feeling

The second part of my question has to do with urges. I have been using the 100 urge concept to deal with overeating and it is a huge help. However, it seems to fuel the fire to move into a sexual urge or fantasy and try to feel it rather than resit it. Is an urge an urge? I find that much of my buffering comes from thinking of past lovers and my frustration with my current situation.

Thank you for all you do and for letting me put this very sensitive situation out there for feedback. I have been struggling with it for years and would love to find a way to shift my thinking and let it go.