Sexual abuse

With sexual abuse in my past and an assault that happened in February that put my nervous system into a trauma response – this has been in my sphere pretty much all year.

I’m wanting to be careful of just stuffing it down w/o actually dealing w/ it and it still being there.
So in my TDL today – it came up…
and basically this guy I was training with smacked me in the ass with his hand.
It seemed like it could have been an accident or insidiously done to look like an accident.

I’m supposed to be doing business w/ him for my business and was gonna take some shifts at a juice bar he was training me for.

I’ve just had about more than enough of men taking advantage of me and me letting it slide to me being obtuse or assuming the best or whatever.

I’m gonna do my thought downloads & models and perhaps keep doing them until I feel in a better place – this is tricky for me though…. because there is a lot of trickery that I’ve encountered with this bullshit…. so if I want to feel self-competent to manage my self…. the

This just spins me out because when I stand up for myself then people look at me and treat me like kryptonite …. yet why was my ass ever touched??

Please help me get some clarity on this