A situation happened at my work today. I told my manager in a private meeting that I want some changes in the way my team works. He had happened to ask Colleague A about what he thinks about the new method (without mentioning my name)
At lunch (in a group) today A talks about this new methodology and how that won’t work in our team. Also asks who mentioned it to manager. I did not own up and remained silent – I wanted to avoid a conflict, and why should I even own up. Its up to my manager to figure out. Here are my thoughts/models after:
c: A asked who said that, and I did not own up to it.
t: A is going to find out that I said that and judge me harshly
A: ruminating /spinning thoughts
R: I judge myself harshly for not owning up
T: A is going to find out and he gets to think what he wants
A: Let others act/think based on models they are running. Tell myself I am not responsible for others feelings/thoughts
R: I get to think what I want about this situation.
I have previously identified “Shame” as unwanted but need to allow (type 2) emotion, but here I feel its totally indulgent. This shame is caused by my usual thinking patterns and keeps me stuck. Can a single emotion fall into different buckets based on situation?
I am starting to see the power of this month’s homework.