My husband and I are looking for an apartment in a competitive market. We applied to one that we love and really want. My husband is currently the breadwinner in the family – together, we can very easily afford this apartment. We have perfect credit, no pets, money in the bank, etc. On paper, we are 100% qualified for this apartment in terms of joint income.

I got a call from the broker this morning telling me that the landlord wants to know more about my income and job. I have my own business but do not make a lot (about 20k per year – my impossible goal is 100k! 😉 and I reinvest most of that income into my business. Therefore, I could not show any real proof of income that would appease the landlord’s concern about my job. In my head, I got a little defensive – why does the landlord care what I make if my husband and I (who are legally married and would both be on the lease) together make more than enough for this apartment? What if I was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t want a paying job? That defensiveness then turned to shame. If we don’t get this apartment because the landlord thinks I’m unemployed, I will feel like I have ruined this opportunity for us to get our dream apartment – one that, if my husband had applied on his own, would probably have easily gotten. I know this shame about not making the amount of money I want to make holds me back in my business – but when it the shame shows up in my life, I don’t know how to think about it in a way that helps me grow instead of retreat. Any help appreciated!