Around 7 years ago I miscarried. During that time I had a cosmetic procedure done to my face, I did not go under but I received various medications. I did not tell the doctor I was pregnant, but I told him I thought there was a chance I was pregnant. He told me there was no medications he was giving to me that he knew would effect a pregnancy. In my heart, I knew that having this was not the right choice and I could have waited to have this done after my pregnancy. I ended up miscarrying.
My OB told me that that baby has the X chromosome, and would have never made it past 5 months of life. I have never admitted this to anyone, but I think I caused the miscarriage by knowingly getting that procedure done. I feel that the medication I got during the procedure affected the pregnancy. I have a huge amount of GUILT and SHAME associated with this and also have this belief that I can make BAD things happen.
I am hoping that you can help me with two thoughts- “I never should have done that” and number two- “I can make bad things happen by thinking them”. This also comes from thinking I had at the time that I never wanted the baby so I forced my body to get rid of it. I feel terrible shame here. I think the truth is I did want the baby, but also had concerns, worries, etc. about how a 3rd child would affect me and my family. Thanks in advance.