Shared household responsibilities and mutual respect

How can I tell the difference between a manual and something I value and want (a want-match)?

I think that my manual for being in a relationship includes mutual respect, and sharing household chores. I live with my boyfriend and his son: I clean up their dishes regularly. If I don’t, the dishes will pile up for days (I tried to not do the dishes a few times – to give them a chance to do them- and the dishes just piled up). If I ask my boyfriend for help he gets angry and defensive and we’ve ended up arguing often about this often.

He even says things to me lately during these arguments that feel so mean/hurtful, like after I said, “we have different perspectives” he said “your perspective is fucking preposterous.” How do I change my thoughts about this, and/or should I just get out of the relationship?