shifting emotions with C


I am getting a divorce and last year didn’t do holiday cards, the year before (with my husband) was the first year I did widespread physical cards). This year I sent out over a hundred and felt good about it – I’m still here and putting myself out there. I think the cards were cute and I got good feedback (from myself as well as outside – I chose to internalize the outside feedback). Then I didn’t bring in my mail apparently for the past 2 weeks – lots going on and trying to keep up with – and I was thinking that almost no one had sent us cards – we had gotten one or two, so I thought our mail had been brought in. I was feeling a bit unloved, but still okay about sending my cards as an internal thing. Mostly thinking “wow, none of my husband’s family is sending us a card any more.”
Today I brought in the mail and found a number of cards including from friends and family. Some looked as if they had been postdated after mine. I thought “they didn’t think to send me a card until they got mine” or “they just sent this because they got mine,” and ended up feeling crummy again/still.