Short tempered with kids–haaalp!

I’ve done lots of unintentional models on when I get overwhelmed with my kids. I can see directly that thinking I can’t handle it creates a situation that is harder for me to parent. My overwhelm usually leads into anger or controlling behavior (punishing, sending to room, taking away rewards). I get the unintentional model but in the moment I keep repeating the same pattern. It happens with all my kids.

It’s gotten harder now that I have morning sickness and feel less capable. (Really I feel like a victim and everyone should be taking care of me!)

C – R won’t go with big sister (who drops her off at school)
T – I can’t handle this
F – Stressed
A – Threatened that she’d lose her reward chart, told her she “had to” go, got tense, tried to negotiate with her, told her she wasn’t being nice to not want to go with whichever sister wanted to take her, gave up and showed her as I threw away her reward chart (yikes)
R – I try to control her which I can’t, I make my overall parenting worse because instead of motivating her I shut her down, I’m not the mom I want to be (all apply!)

I didn’t do an intentional model but I’ll try one now…
C – R won’t go with with big sister (who drops her off at school)
T – We’ll get there eventually-what’s more important is I love this kid
F – Connected
A – Try to motivate her, keep things light, use humor, if she really won’t go just go with it and don’t make it a big deal, consider asking my husband for help, stay connected, consider a reward for the future to motivate her, praise her for the times she did go
R – I make the morning work, I parent according to my values

This IM is a big stretch for me. I believe it but in the moment I’m pretty triggered and I don’t think I’d be able to jump all the way over here.

Are there any other tools I can use to change my behavior?