Should guilt


I am a health care worker. I did not feel safe at work. My managers and coworkers did not social distance, wear masks, or limit the number of people in our small office. I chose to give up all my shifts for a month till they had better safety measures in place. Now I am out of work and keep feeling guilty. I should have stayed. How will we manage with no income? These are indulgent thoughts. I realize I chose them. I waste time feeling guilty for being home, safe, enjoying safe in place with my husband and daughters, having time for rest, SCS, house projects, etc.  I am choosing to not allow myself to enjoy this.

I am stuck in thoughts like:
I should be suffering with the rest of the world.
I am embarrassed.
I am a whimp.
I am self centered.
My husband and girls are able to work from home.
I have no obligations.
I feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying this.

I find ways to shame and guilt myself all day long.

I am trying to say:
I made a decision I am not looking back.
It is a good thing to be enjoying life.
I don’t have to be miserable to be a good person.

This works temporarily but then I start to complain about how guilty I feel and I start to justify why I left work to everyone I know. It disgusts me.

C: Chose to leave my job for length of crisis
T: I am a bad person
F: guilty
A: ruminate, do nothing, be in overwhelm, email and call people looking for support of my decision, shame myself, overeat, stay in bed, hate myself
R: wasting my life

C: same
T: maybe I can learn to love myself despite my decision
F: determined
A: shut down the should thoughts immediately when they come, make a gratitude list
R: self forgiveness

Any tips appreciated. Thank you❤️